Sleeping with Bread


I came across Sleeping with Bread today and I realized that I've been taking some things important for granted lately.
Consolation:
  • A friend and I joined the Earth Hour at Paseo de Sta Rosa, to be a part of the worldwide energy-saving activity while having fun
  • Received an email from N
  • Had my much needed sleep
  • Went to the mall
Desolation
  • My friend's brokenhearted
  • Someone thinks she has to compete against me, and I don't know why
  • Cooped up with so much work
  • I miss N so bad
So that's all for now. I must have missed so many things last week, I have to make up for all that this week.

Food for Thought

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

Unspoken

A friend is asking me last night how is it that I can bottle up feelings when she can't? I don't know. I just do. She's heartbroken, and it's been a week already since I've been consoling her. She says she can't get him out of her mind. She's been posting offline messages on his YM 3 days in a row with no response, and she can't get it to her head that maybe he doesn't want to do anything with her anymore. She's been texting him, too. She's restless. She would turn on the TV and would coast the channels from 1 to 70 then back again finding nothing worth watching. Then the Ipod, searching the playlist with no song in mind.****sigh**** She'd cook, but won't eat so I end up eating everything. She'd buy 2 liters of beer (Red Horse Beer) but would just sip a glass, so I end up drinking everything. She'd check her cellphone every 3 minutes even if she doesn't hear alerts, and would sigh when she sees no message. And so she was asking me, how can I be heartbroken and not show? Because there's no point, that's why. There's no point crying over someone I've been happy with,and was happy with me, too, even for a short time. And if he forgets, then it's not my fault and my loss. I have my memories, and that what is important. There's no point really in playing the "what if" game in my head over and over. I can't do anything anymore for the lost time. If I did my best, then I have to accept that some things are not meant to be and move on. And if I didn't, I'll make up next time.

Sunday Stealing


1. Are you single? Yes.
2. Are your parents still married? Yes
3. Are you in love? Yes.Unfortunately, he's not so into me.
4. Do you believe in love at first sight? Yes.Yes.Yes!
5. Who ended your last relationship? No one. Just drifted off to a "put-on-hold" stage.
6. Have you ever been hurt by a break up? Yes, the kind that makes you cry the moment you wake up and before you fall asleep.
7. Have you ever broken someone’s heart? Yes, I think I do.
8. Have you ever had a secret admirer? Way back in highschool?
9. Prefer love or lust? Can I have both?
10. Prefer a few best friends or many regular friends? VERY few BFFs
11. Wild night out or romantic night in? Romantic night in
12. Back in the day: Been caught sneaking out? Yes, many many times.
13. Ever wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? Yes. N.
14. Who are/is your best friend(s)? Iya, Bing, Joan, Cat, Frankie
15. Ever wanted to disappear? Yes.Several times
16. First attraction: Smile or eyes? Smile that reaches the eyes
17. Prefer intelligence or attraction? Attraction
18. Last phone call you received? from a job offer
19. Last thing you drank? Coffee
20. Before your current one, when was your last relationship? in 2005
21. Do you and your family get along? Not with my mom
22. Would you say you have a "screwed up life"? No.Never.
23. Have you ever gotten kicked out somewhere? If yes, do tell. No, not yet.
24. Do you trust all your friends? Only the 5 people at #14
25. Who knows the most about you? Frankie.

Unconscious Mutterings


I say ... and you think ... ?
  1. Road trip :: freedom
  2. Pool hall :: beer and billiards
  3. Extraordinary :: love at first sight
  4. Jackson :: 5
  5. Heartfelt :: warmth
  6. Wet :: beach
  7. Strangle :: breathless
  8. .com :: yahoo
  9. Touched :: angels
  10. Insipid :: bland and boring

Earth Hour

Did you join the Earth Hour last March 28, 2009?

Saturday Special 032809

The Saturday Special

~One Word To Start A Sentence Or Statement~

~Fill In The Blanks~

1. Getting over you,N..almost, actually.

2. My friend's friend is coming over at our house, she has toxic goiter

3. Lunch is tuna in coconut cream and sauteed radish.

4. Ready to let go!

Friday Fill Ins #117

ffi

(come and join, just click image to play!)

1. "In a hole in the ground there lived one crazy hermit, with silver beard a mile long, having his tea."

2. "I love, I hurt, I cry in one vicious cycle but that ain't no matter."3. "After dark the rain began to fall again, the shadows enveloping the church steeple, the moonlight on the roof finally succumbing."4. "Several hundred hungry slaves are slowly dying, chained from the hold of the Spanish galleon."5. "There was a hand in the darkness, and it slowly creeps up into the light."6. "Accidents ambush the unsuspecting, and the brave."7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to visiting my sis, tomorrow my plans include doing the laundry, cleaning my room, chat with a couple of friends and Sunday, I want to visit St. Claire's Convent!

~~~~~~~~

HAPPY FRIDAY, YA ALL!!!

Friday 5 (032709)

livejournalfriday5(click to play)

Hello, and welcome to this week’s Friday 5! Please copy these questions to your online journal. Answer the questions there, then leave a comment at Friday 5 so we all know where to check out your responses. Please don’t forget to link us from your website!
  1. To whom do you normally turn when you need to complain about something? I normally complain to the concerned person, but sometimes I whine to my bff, or if I can't hold it anymore, I turn to blogging! ;)
  2. Which annual season-turning do you enjoy the most?...
  3. Where can you get a really good turnover? The French Baker's Beef Turnover. Yummmm!set1
  4. What’s employee turnover like where you work? Right now, I think every week someone's going. Employees with dependents are looking for better opportunities elsewhere because we are having an indefinite 4-day workweek sched.huhu ;(
  5. One of the Wonder Twins could turn into any form of water, while the other could turn into any animal. Which of these powers would be more useful to you? I'll be Zan, anytime!150px-wondertwins_new1

coffee and cigarette on a rainy day

had one today
and there's no small talk anymore
no exchange of smiles
no fun anymore
it doesn't taste as good
doesn't feel as good as it was
doesn't warm my heart anymore
smoke stinging my eyes now
doesn't warm my cheeks anymore
bitterness biting my tongue now
the sky looks grayer than it should
only empty space by my side

***sigh***
oh, well...maybe this is what I should do...
I gave up coffee and cigarettes
I hate to say it hasn’t helped me yet
I thought my problems would just dissipate
And all my pain would be in yesterday

I poured my booze all down the kitchen drain
And watched my bad habits get flushed away
I thought that that would keep my head on straight
And all my pain would be in yesterday
But it’s true
I’m still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit, you
I thought that if I didn’t go and play
The sadness would get bored and go away
I thought that if I didn’t go astray
That all my pain would be in yesterday
But it’s true
I’m still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit, you
I sold my guitar and my piano
I thought that it was these that kept me low
I thought if only I could try and change
That all my pain would be in yesterday
But it’s true
I’m still blue
But I finally know what to do
I must quit, I must quit, you
I must quit, I must quit, you

where the hell is everyone?

This is one of those moments, when I just need someone close. I don't need conversation, they don't need to talk, I just neeeeeeeeeed ! I need to lean on to something, someone. I look around but there's no one. Everyone's so f****ing far away. I love my friends, but they're never here, always someplace else living their lives. God, I need a friend today!

Thursday Thunks (032609)


1. What is your favorite type of soda (if you drink soda)? ~>Coke
 2. Do you believe in astrology? If so, what does your sign say about you? At a certain level, yeah.
These Rabbits measure their success in the acquisitions they have made. They like the stability and comfort of nice things and work hard to provide these luxuries to themselves and their families.
3. Who is John Galt? I have no idea, but I googled him so read on here.. 
4. What is the last thing you do before you go to sleep at night? Think of tomorrow's schedule.
5. Who's your Daddy? Someone who loves me, being a daddy's girl. 6. Jelly beans or Jelly Bellies? Neither. Too sweet for me. 
7. What do you think about yellow car? Why car manufacturer actually made yellow cars? I think of taxicabs, I wonder why most taxi's are yellow?
8. Holding on or Letting go? Letting go. It gives you freedom to move forward. 
9. What kind of underwear, if any, do you wear? Thongs, most days. But since I'm a "minimalist" (haha) at night, I wear my sensible, cotton undies when I sleep.
10. Who is your daddy and what does he do? He is a retired tailor.
11. Spring - is it here yet?? No spring.Just humid summer coming on full force.
12. Does Google Streetview scare you? No.You can't find my street in there. Thanks goodness. because if they can find the street, then they can find you!
13. What is your favorite brand of ice cream? DQ, anytime!
 14. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream? Chocolate, Mocha, Coffee, Toffee
15. Do you ever get tired of your everyday routine? Sometimes...I'm always anticipating for something extraordinary to happen...
16. What inspires you? .."that there's something more out there..."
17. It’s springtime-do you spend more time outdoors? Not yet...still cooped up in the office for our year-end company book's audit
18. When do you think Bud will let us see the DVD of him and the french twins? I don't know. 
19. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you, and why? In a private beach anywhere.
20. Why do you blog? To relax , take off my mind the many mediocre things and really talk about what's important. I blog about all the things that I don't normally voice out. 
21. What are electrolytes and why are they good for us? I think they keep our body functions synchronized... 2
2. Do you twitter? Why or why not? No. 
23. What did you dream last night? I can't remember, like most nights. 24. What is the strangest thing you've eaten? Fried frog legs? 25. What was the last picture that you took? see------>
That's me in the middle
26. what is your favorite part of spring? No spring here in the Philippines, just the dry season coming in.
27. what is one thing that you did this past week that no one knows about? I don't kiss and tell ;)
28. What kind of bandages do you typically have in your household? None.

unspoken

Well, I've been playing all the memes that I could get my hands on lately, and it is fun! I have a good time answering them, keeping me off certain issues that I should face but couldn't yet. N, who else? haha.
I miss him, but I really need to move on. He was just a sudden blip in my rather sedate lifeline, come to think of it! When I think of him, hear this song in my head:
by Vertical Horizon 
So you sailed away Into a grey sky morning Now I'm here to stay Love can be so boring
Nothing's quite the same now I just say your name now
[Chorus] But it's not so bad You're only the best I ever had You don't want me back You're just the best I ever had
So you stole my world Now I'm just a phony Remembering the girl Leaves me down and lonely
Send it in a letter Make yourself feel better
[Chorus] But it's not so bad You're only the best I ever had You don't need me back You're just the best I ever had
And it may take some time to Patch me up inside But I can't take it so I Run away and hide And I may find in time that You were always right You're always right
So you sailed away Into a grey sky morning Now I'm here to stay Love can be so boring
What was it you wanted Could it be I'm haunted
[Chorus] But it's not so bad You're only the best I ever had I don't want you back You're just the best I ever had The best I ever had The best I ever
Or is it vice versa? I hear this song in my head (heart, really), and i think of him...
I dedicate this song also to my bff, IYA. She knows me, and she understood.

10 things...

I liked doing this one! Thanks, bethany actually Ten Things I Wish I Could Say to Ten Different People Right Now:
  1. Did you ever mean everything you said?
  2. I miss you, things are so different now that you're not here.
  3. I'm sorry.
  4. You promised!
  5. What's for dinner?
  6. I hope you're happy now.
  7. Do you really want to?
  8. Thank you for the good times.
  9. You know your way home.
  10. Sshhhh, now you know all my secrets!
Nine Things About Myself:
  1. I couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket.
  2. And I couldn't dance! I have two left feet!
  3. I like to be left alone to sort things out.
  4. I fall in and out of love hard.
  5. I believe in angels, more in substance than form.
  6. I could spend my life forever in the beach and read good books
  7. I would choose : sunsets over sunrises, coffee over milk , iced over hot tea, chocolates over everything sweet!
  8. I' m a casual smoker.
  9. I like nature trips, the beach, and books
Eight Ways To Win My Heart:
  1. Make me laugh. A good sense of humor and wit is sexy.
  2. Be a good conversationalist
  3. Approach me slowly, never come on too strong
  4. Be naughty, and nice!
  5. Pick my mind, and I'll pick yours
  6. Don't whine.
  7. Be yourself. I can smell a fake a mile away.
  8. Make promises you can only deliver, otherwise, don't.
Seven Things That Cross My Mind a Lot:
  1. Thank you God, you saved me again.
  2. I need a vacation...
  3. Wait...
  4. My laundry
  5. I need my coffee
  6. Pay my bills
  7. Did I_______? I forget a lot minute details lately. I guess I really need my #2..
Six Things I Do Before I Fall Asleep:
  1. Check the locks on the main and backdoors
  2. Shower.
  3. Read a bit
  4. Turn on my dimlight
  5. Plan tomorrow's sched
  6. Think of happy things
Five People Who Mean a Lot:
  1. Frankie
  2. Joan
  3. N (he means a lot to me right now)
  4. Grace
  5. My Family
Four Things You’re Wearing Right Now:
  1. flip flops
  2. t-shirt & pants
  3. underwear
  4. glasses
Three Songs That You Listen to Often (Currently):
  1. Whiskey Lullaby by Brad Paisley & Allison Krauss
  2. Stop Crying Your Heart Out by Oasis
  3. Be my Somebody by Nora Jones
Two Things You Want to Do Before You Die:
  1. get over some of my fears.
  2. live near the beach
One Confession:
  1. I can be stubborn to the point of hurting myself and others for no reason except that I’m stubborn.

meme: Saturday Special#1



~One Word To Start A Sentence Or Statement~ 
~Fill In The Blanks~ 
1. Now is the time to accept that some people could really come and go into your life without so much thought. 2. Hope is a promise you make to yourself that everything will go as planned. 
3. Never say never. 
4. Regret not and never look back.

Food for thought

We promise according to our hopes, and perform according to our fears.

~Francois duc de la Rochefoucauld



Saturday Six ~ Wierdness

  1. Have you ever licked the crayon dust off a blackboard?~ Now that would be really silly. Does licking the dew off the window pane count? ;0
  2. Do you have socks on at the moment? ~none at the moment. it's summer in the Philippines!
  3. Have you ever tripped over thin air!? ~ yes...especially if my head is faster than my feet...;)
  4. What’s your favourite animal? ~i love dogs, though i don't own one right now as my landlady does not allow pets (peeved ;()
  5. What’s your favourite tree?~I love the Balete tree because aside from the superstitious aura, it is a symbol of tenacity for me...
  6. What was the last thing you ate? ~Tuna Spaghetti (minus the asparagus) given to us by our neighbor...

Death and Promises

Of all of Robert Frost's poems, I love this best.
Maybe because I love sad poems and there is such melancholy here and longing for something, peace or death maybe, but cannot have because he still has obligatons to keep.


Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening
Whose woods these are I think I know,
His house is in the village though.
He will not see me stopping here,
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer,
To stop without a farmhouse near,
Between the woods and frozen lake,
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake,
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep,
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep,
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.

         -- Robert Frost

Friday #116

1. Why do we have to fall in love then break our hearts?
2. Fickleinpink and Friendster are now habits.
3. I have a dimple on my cheek, and I think it's my lucky charm!
4. I had never heard the phrase "A3" and it stands for Any time, Any place, Anywhere, Popular texting abbreviation (ack J Lewis). The expression actually originated from a 1960s/70s Martini TV advert has now assumed an amusing additional modern meaning, referring to mobile and on-demand communications and media, and is also used as an ironic reference to someone exhibiting particularly flexible or pragmatic tendencies, especially politicians who pander to views and support for personal advantage above ethical considerations.
5. I love, I live, I laugh like crazy the way I always do.
6. How (w)as I to know that he loves me too?
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to the best sleep for this week (TGIF!!) , tomorrow my plans include N and a cuddle in the sheets ;) and Sunday, I want to clean up my room, do the laundry, and maybe go to the mall to have my Starbucks fix *grin*!
Come on, join the fun! Click to play

A letter to my almost lover:



A letter to my almost lover: Is this goodbye, then? How I wish you could stay a bit longer, at least long enough to prepare myself for this imminent parting that you’re now thrusting at me... Why did you let me love you when you know you have to go?

I will miss you, much more than I’m willing to admit. I will miss the good times that we had, the laughter, the silliness, I will miss the very nearness of you! You will always be my dearest friend, my almost lover. I hope that you will miss me, too.

When I let you wipe away my tears, do you hear the unspoken profession of my love for you? Everytime I turn away when you catch me looking at you, do you see the yearning that I am trying to hide? When we make love, do you feel my total surrender as I bare my soul to you?

I guess not.

Because I know that this is just a game to you. But just the same, I will treasure the part of you that was in me. When I’m with you, it’s like looking into me. You mirror what I am inside. Thank you for giving me that chance. We are kindred souls!

More than a lover, you are my friend... You brought out my fears so I can face them. I cried on your shoulder, remember? You made me believe that I could love again and it’s alright. For a while, I was truly happy, knowing there’s someone for me.

I could have told you how much I love you. I could have kissed you as often and embraced you as tightly as I could. But I was afraid. Ah, my only regret is that I should have given more, but I didn’t. The fear of loving has fortified the walls around my very heart and pain has broken me so many times before!
I wanted to love you the way you’ve never been loved before. I wanted to be always at your side, to be your strength, to be your equal partner! I wanted to be a part of your life, share your endeavors and dreams.
But as suddenly as you came, you’re gone. You are a free spirit, someone who can never be tied down. Your gaze is always at the horizon, never at the sands beneath your feet. That’s why I have to let you go, much to my pain.
We are the same, you and I, that’s why I understand. Our parting makes the memories all the more poignant and sweet. I hope one day, I’ll see you again. When that day comes, please don’t let me go, too. I love you, always remember that.


You know the way home to me.
Love, R

Thurdsday thunks (031909)

1. The last flight of stairs you walked up/down - were the carpeted? No.
2. Green or purple grapes?
3. Do you like Peeps? No
4. The smell of Vicks - like it? Yeah, when I'm sad...I gives you a cool feeling in your gut..LOLz
5. Do you put decorative cling-ons on your windows for different holidays? No
6. Finish the sentence - I spent too much money on food .
7. Which celebrity should be flown into outer space or placed on a desert island?
8. Would you support schools changing the "open" time? Such as 10am - 5pm, for example? Yes, some people are like owls, functions best in the evening..so why not?
9. Do you go fishing? No
10. What question should we ask next week? Holding on or Letting go?

If you like to join, click here

last day of heartbreak of a patchwork heart



I woke up early today anticipating a great day ahead. In my mind, this would be our last day together. And so I rushed to start my day with a spring in my heart.

But he didn't come.

I wasn't prepared that goodbye would start so soon...

I want to crawl into some dark place to curl myself into a ball and hide beneath the sheets.

But no, I need to walk on even as my world crumbles and blurs. And so I put my earphone and sunglasses on to keep the silence away and the light from blinding me.

This will be my last day of heartbreak. Heart's under repair.

Tomorrow's another day.

love pains

It seems I'm always crying these past few days. The tears seems to flow without my permission. In the middle of my routine, I'd suddenly feel this little pain in my chest and I'd feel the heat on my cheeks. Even if I try to stop,my eyes sting and I would rush to put on my eyeglasses in place so no one would see. I cry in the middle of my excel sheet. I cry when I hear songs whose lyrics would catch me unawares. I cry in the middle of my Marlboro...I cry when a friend says something cheesy. And this is because of this one person.

And he doesn't know that I'm hurting, that he's hurting me. And that's what pains the most. Feelings unrequited. I let my guard down, I let my heart show. I love him, but I can't. Because if I do, I'd surely perish. But I want to, though I will try not to. Crazy, huh? And silly. I've been into relationships before that has crashed and burned, but this one took me by surprise. I've always thought that love takes time, that it grows into the partnership. But this one, it punched me in my blind side and so I wasn't prepared. And it's all my doing. So this battle's with myself, really.

Goodbyes are so hard when you can't really let go, knowing you don't have any choice. I think the hardest battle is the war with one self, because you lose one way or another. A friend asked me today, "How will you know when is the time to give up?" and I said that "it is when your hurting too much". And she said, "that's a no-brainer! You hurt both ways, so what should I do?". My only answer is, " choose between two evils, then". Hurt as you love love him, or hurt as you let go of him...

Maybe loving without feeling pain is no love at all. You want the person you love to love you back, to appreciate you, to stay. You want to possess them, to be at your side always, to walk with you at the same pace, at the same time. They say love is a two-way street, but most often than not it's already too late to realize that you're walking alone. But at the same time, you want them to be free. Free to love you, to possess you, without guilt or second thoughts. Love manipulated is no love at all, too.

Ah, love pain! To feel joy, knowing it's going to end. It's like seeing a falling star, with all it's intensity and light gone so soon even before your wish could ever be finished.

Are we ever ready?

When I was younger, I've always thought that I am invincible, that no one and nothing can ever hurt me and if ever I am so foolish enough to put myself in a painful situation, I could always take it in stride, shrug my shoulders and let go. I never really stopped to ask my self if I was ready for these things. I wanted to be part of so much life that I would go crashing through it, unaware that the heart could harden with time and the soul has the ability to retreat behind a wall.

Now I can't remember when, or even why, did I ever stop running through life and started to count my steps and calculate my risks.

But when do you get ready, really?

Is it when you decide to run towards the cliff, or is it the moment you lift your feet off to fly?

Is it when you wake up from sleep or is it the moment you open your eyes?

Is it when you felt the warmth or is it when you can't bear the heat when scorched?

Is it in goodbyes, or is it in the void after parting?

Is it in the words or in the expression of it?

Are we ever ready, really?