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Showing posts with label My mind at RANDOM. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My mind at RANDOM. Show all posts

I wish I could be as brave as you.

TXJ34 Brave Kitty [Picture]
Daily Dose of Cute


I wish I could be brave as you

unmoved, unafraid of the fall

a long distance call.

My mother called the other night telling me the results of her blood tests came through already and all was well and not to worry. She was diagnosed with Type II diabetes last year. For someone who has this debilitating disease, she was fairly amicable  (which is not often) and went on to talk about the doctors and nurses of Dr. Sofronio Garcia Memorial Hospital. She even said she doesn't like the word "Memorial" in the hospital's name, sounds like death she said. I laughed at her comment, I guess she was just trying to be funny.

According to her, the hospital ambiance is light,  and exclaimed that nurses seems to be wearing colored uniforms, unlike in her younger days. I mentioned that they are called scrub clothes now. "OK, like the T.V. show", she said. Well, boring white nurse uniforms has already lost its popularity and was replaced by patterned or solid colored uniforms in blue, pink or teal green scrubs and paired with surgical scrub hats in various designs to add color to a rather drab -- and stressful hospital scene. Nurse uniforms and supplies  has evolved into fun, fashionable yet efficient wear for health care professionals around the world. I hear her saying, yeah, yeah. And she went on for another 10 minutes ordering my life around long distance talking, and I realized that I love her. I hope we have still a lot of time together.

My life in six words.

Roller-coaster life! Goes down. Up again.


That's mine! But I don't mind.

Random Thoughts

I have a twitter account  @Fickleinpink but until now, I have not given it much thought and importance. I'm thinking about Twitter lately and how effective it is as a social networking site...

Letters of Intent 06.25.2010


Dear Facebook Poser,

You who created an account with my name and wrote a defamatory profile of me, I pity you.
Of course, you won't admit it. BUT.I.KNOW.WHO.YOU.ARE.
Everyone must move on, so why don't you?

Good luck,
Annoyed



Dear Teddy,

How I wish you would pick up your socks --
and help with the laundry --
and not be so taciturn most of the time --

I'm glad though, that you appreciate my cooking --
that we can still find the time to talk in the mornings, despite our busy schedules --
that after the "chaos" last Decemebr, we are slowly settling in...

And I love you for all these things.

I hope you know.

Hugs,
Wee



Dear Mr. Time,

Please be so kind to my parents, now that they are old. Give them more of you.



Praying,
Daughter

What now?

It's the 1st of June already, how time flies!

I'm here at the office, reconciling accounting items for our month-end activities when "it" suddenly popped in my mind.

"It" being the question, "what now?"

talking about mind wandering off to other things...

right now...

I'm at that point in my career where I want to quit but I can't, mainly due to financial security it provides me.

I'm at that point in my relationship where we are still trying things out, where I wish I could push things a bit but my pride won't let me.

I'm at this point in my where I wanted to be somewhere else but I'm chained here.

I feel like like I'm just coasting along.

So, what now?


Bottom line: I don't know.

:sigh::

OK, back to work.

Random Postsecrets I've Found

Random Postsecrets I've Found
Bold the ones you can relate to.
[blazingbulletsxx]
grabbed from [sweetmemes]


We make our way Across The Universe.
You will welcome many people with your smile.
I wish it didn't always take SO much effort to be like I was.
The thought of a needle leaving me with marks that will last a lifetime, scares the crap out of me, but I'm gonna do it anyways, You only live once.
I'm sorry for everything.
I don't know has been my answer for everything lately, I don't know what's wrong.
I absolutely cannot go to sleep unless I brush my teeth.
I thought the journey was over, I was wrong, it just began.
Sometimes, I feel like other people hold me back.
Remember that day I told you I loved you, I lied.
I clean my ears compulsively.
Don't you dare let this one go.
I miss you (more than I'd like to admit).
When all the other little girls wanted to be Princesses, I wanted to be a Pirate. Arrrr!
Nobody I like likes me as much as I like them, nobody I think about thinks about me as much as I think about them.
My most embarrassing and shameful moment was telling my mom that the cuts on my arms weren't from the cat.
I'm a nerd and proud!
I will change the world one day.
I act like I don't care, but some things mean the world to me.
Seven years later, & I'm still not over you.
I didn't have a cold, I was crying.
I want to be an individual but I don't want to stand out.
Take me by the hand and tell me you would take me anywhere.
I feel like the world is screaming at me to write.
I think what I need more than anything in the world is to be told (just once) that a friend doesn't know what they would do without me.
I think we're going to be okay.
I'm afraid of becoming fat.
I laugh at other peoples' jokes even if they aren't funny, just to make them feel better about themselves.
I always secretly thought that the world had bigger plans for me.
I wish on 11:11, but my wishes never come true anymore.
I have never been skinny enough to make my mother happy.
We're only getting started, but I already know I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I like to watch raindrops run down my window.
Just because I try not to talk about it, doesn't mean I'm over it, that I feel better or that I'm ever going to be okay, I just don't want to be a burden.
I am always alone, even in a room full of people.
I dream of a world where 'Feminism' isn't a dirty word.
I should have let you go before we all got hurt, I'm sorry.
At last, I am loving my life.
I am so much stronger than I would have guessed. Yay me!
I think there is a connection between my eyes and brain that just doesn't work right.
I am very happy with who I am today.
I miss driving down to see you.
Figure out what you want baby, we are running out of time.
I love you, in all moments of our absurdity.
Someday, women won't have to be married to feel complete.
It disgusts me how people can say that the Holocaust never happened.
I always judge a book by its cover.
I am pushing everyone away on purpose, that way, it will be less painful for them.
I think Kevin Jonas is gorgeous.
I don't care what anyone says, I've never liked The Beatles.
Grow old with me.
I was born in the wrong time.
I hope you think of me everyday and feel bad, but I know you don't.
I dream of a world where reading is cool.
Reading is the only way for me to escape from reality.
Every inch forward is another tiny step in the right direction.
I rescue earthworms from sidewalks so they won't get squished.
Truth is, I don't think we will keep in touch.
I wish I could tear down the walls around my heart.
Often, I find myself wanting to be alone, but my biggest fear is that I will be.
Shit. I was almost happy again.
I wish I could have had you before those other girls screwed you up so badly.
I was right when I said you would forget about me.
I miss the way summertime used to feel.
I'm sick of feeling unwanted.
Without your love, I'd probably be dead.
How I miss the old days.
My insomnia really scares me sometimes (Please help me fall asleep).
I love the way cleaning my ears feels.
I don't have to be like the rest of you.
I love it when it rains, even more when it thunders.
I try to drink the pain away.
I thought all the words I wrote for you would be enough, they weren't.
Be mine, Nothing more, Nothing less.
I'm scared of intimacy.
You're crazy for thinking I'm attractive, but I think you are too.
I haven't always been this happy.
I have no idea who I am.
I secretly like not having a job so I can stay in bed when everyone else has to get up.
I am paralyzed by everyone's idea of what I should be.
Sometimes, I just really can't find the way in again.
No one calls me anymore.
When you leave the room, I read all of your text messages.
I have so much left to say to you.
Compromise is far from fatal.
I wish the wind would take me away from this place.
I wish I could speak Polish.
You're the prayer inside me.
Most days, I feel like I am too aware of my being.
I'm afraid... I'll always be alone.
I'm scared you'll never find me.
When I look into the mirror, I don't recognize myself.
I have no friends.
I wouldn't bother losing weight if I thought I could get a boyfriend as I am.
I wasted my wishes on you.
I think God is just a big placebo.
I love my mother more than I love anyone else.
Sometimes, I cry like a toddler when I don't get my way.
I want to die before I hit the ground.
I dream of a world where all girls are safe.
Dear Mom, I don't believe in God.
I dream of a world where individuality is beauty.
I miss our old problems.
Let me help you. Please.
I love dancing in the pouring rain.
I pray to get anorexia.
My fairy tale has ended.
I want it to rain the day I get married.
It rains the hardest on those who deserve the sun.
I'm beginning to find my way.
I don't want to remember.
Today, I realized I could no longer remember what you were like when you still loved me.
I hate being normal but fear becoming anything else.
I'm starting to see it.
I never want you to feel lost again.
Love is love. No matter what gender.
I want to learn magic... more than you'll ever know.
Watching men eat meat turns me on.
I will lie in my grace dreaming of things I might have been.
I miss him so much and I can't tell a soul.
I pick up notes off the ground and read them.
You are impossible to forget.
Whenever people ask me for directions, I always direct them to a strip club.
I'm looking to do one good deed before I die.
You're the prayer inside me.
I know your secret, and I wish you'd tell me, so we could both stop hiding.
Don't let your secrets hinder your love.

If I knew how to hire a hitman, I would.
I feel closer to god with my horse than at church.
I have no idea where my life is going to lead me.
I'd follow you into the dark.
You inspire me.

If he touches me again, I swear I'll fucking kill him.
Sometimes, I get annoyed at how ignorant you are!
I just feel so invisible and alone.
I gave up Jesus for Lent. [this made me snort...absolutely stellar]
I don't care if you're Jewish, your Jew jokes still piss me off.
I'm not so much afraid of heights as I am of being tempted to jump.
I don't believe in God & I believe he is punishing me for just that.
No one really knows me.
I miss being fake.
I have unspeakable fantasies.
It's a lot easier to love myself now that I've told you how much I hate you.
I don't want to hate them just because they hate me.
The thing I hate most about myself is that I'm too lazy to change the things I hate.
It was all fake.
I have this really irrational fear of traffic lights falling on my car.
I think one day, I am going to look like my cat.
My biggest fear isn't being raped or killed, it's of me falling down the stairs.
I wish I didn't care so much.
I think I have it all figured out but I don't.
I am ruined without her.
We are both being pulled different directions... I will hold on as long as you take my hand.
You make my soul smile.
I never even liked baseball. I just liked you.
I feed the bears.
I'm ashamed of what my facebook quiz results reveal about me.
I only told you I loved you because I thought it was opposite day.
My bulimia has made me better at giving blowjobs.
Life is good, everyone just overreacts, even me.
When my friends leave stuff at my house, I sell them.
I am never going to forgive you.
I think that I could write comedy.
I cheated, and now I'll never be the same.
Oh fuck, I love you. [I absolutely ADORE this one!]
I love when my frisbee slams into strangers.
You say catastrophe, I say, fuck yes.
I've never liked hockey, but I would love to see what happens in the locker room after the game.
And you're all I want.
I feel more like me when you are here, than when I'm alone.
It is not about finding yourself, it's about creating yourself.
For once in my life, I'm not going to hold back; no matter what.
Start a revolution, stop hating your body.
I fantasize about rejecting the apologies that I know will never come.
I like shopping at Wal-Mart, please don't tell my cool friends.
I absolutely love it when you drunk dial.
When I'm in a crowded elevator, I envision the porn scene that could ensue.
I wish society didn't treat me like a monster just because I'm gay.
I would rather be a messed up person, fixed, than to be a regretless person wondering how messed up I would feel.
The love that came before you, the love that lives on after you, the love you never had.
Once I learn to love myself, I promise I'll love you next.
I always count how many seconds I pee.
I haven't eaten since Sunday.
You need not find a cure for everything that makes you weak.
I was beautiful too.
You're not going to call me, are you? Damn.
I have learned a love about life from you in the past 2 years. Thanks.
I was taught how to masturbate at a Girl Scout camp.
I find squeezing a full tube of toothpaste strangely erotic.
Dear Mom, Thanks a bunch for the great ass!
Your lies helped me find truth in myself.
I think about plots for erotica novels while sitting in the pews at church.
Whenever I use the bathroom, I always picture famous people & people I know taking a crap.
I had a sex dream about diamonds in my vagina.
It doesn't matter your age, sex, religion, or race, I will stare at your ass.
I kissed a boy today, who didn't wish I was someone else.
I get pissed at people who leave times on the microwave.
I don't hate you because you cheated, I hate you because you told her my secret.
I just went on vacation. and I only wanted to send a postcard to Postsecret.
I would take swinging on the swings over money, sex, and/or power, any day.
I wish my parents would find my drafts of my suicide notes under the carpet by my air vent.
When I say I don't care, I'm not trying to convince you, I'm trying to convince myself.
I leave poetry in library books.
I shredded all my photos.
Sometimes, I eat my boogers.
I am contemptuous of others so it hurts when they are indifferent to me.
My secret is... I want to be a outlaw biker.
The meds don't work. But I say they do, and no one knows.
I love you so much but can't tell you.
People think I've stopped lying, but I've just gotten better at it.
I like the smell of my own farts.
I want to die a hero.
I am lost.
I am terrified I will never get married.
Even if I have plenty of friends, I always feel alone.
I'm afraid to take the next step.
I go to the movies to try and imagine what life would be like if only I could fit in.
I'm very glad I didn't win.
I miss feeling close to God.
She never gave me a chance.
I change my hair so often to make up for the fact that I won't be able to change who I am.
I'm happy and lucky but I've never told anyone.
I tell people I'm an atheist but I believe I'm going to hell.
I've always wanted to rob a bank.
I really enjoy funerals.
I'm always annoyed when anyone makes me alter my path on the sidewalk.
I truly believe all my problems would be solved if only I were not fat.
Jail isn't anything like the movies.
I hate when my mom uses her illness as an excuse. I hate it when I do it too.
Strangers are just friends waiting to happen. Will you be mine?
I miss cutting.
(Picture of The Beatles) These four men are my best friends, I wish they were all still alive, so we could live in a yellow submarine.
All the popular kids are boring.
I care more about Dumbledore than I do about the Pope.
I wear granny panties. [occasionally]
Men that take good care of their kids turn me on.
My dogs are weird.
I HATE 90% of my generation's of music.
I want to be skinny... but I am far too lazy.

Musical Monday -- The Fear You Won't Fall


This is my favorite Joshua Radin song. Honest, sweet, and I think many people has gone through this feeling once or twice in their lives.
I keep playing this song in my head for weeks. I think this speaks for me, about how I feel. I guess even after a year, we are still at the state of romance where there are moments we are both unsure of our footing. And I think this "guessing game" makes our relationship exciting and it's like, we are putting ourselves "out there" taking chances the other would fall (in love back).







Digging a hole and the walls are caving in
Behind me air's getting thin but I'm trying
I'm breathing in
Come find me
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it
That's part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
And I hate the phone
But I wish you'd call
Thought being alone
Was better than was better than
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
Can't get my mind off of you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you

7 Secrets of Success



Seven secrets of success



1. Roof said: Aim high.
2. Fan said: Be cool.
3. Clock said: Every minute is precious.
4. Mirror said: Reflect before you act.
5. Window said: See the world.
6. Calendar said: Be up to date.
7. Door said: Push hard to achieve your goal!


An Old Flame finally laid to rest

An old flame looked me up on the web and found me on one of those social networks and called me up the other night. And I realized what a great relief to be talking to him again because now, I could really move on.

I still feel the pinch every now and then when I remember how hurt I was when he broke up with me 5 days before our 4th anniversary. They say you never forget your first love but it's not. It's the first heartbreak that you'll always remember.

But we had such good times then! He was the first person who ever brought me flowers and would surprise me with little gifts. He shared my love for nature trips. We would exchange loveletters through our dear friend Shey. It was a sweet romance!

But I guess reality has a habit of throwing curved balls when one least expects it. And that reality was called "distance". It's true when they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also makes the heart forget. I guess we forgot. Maybe it was me, I was so busy with work and my promotion. Or maybe it was him, he was busy with studies and making friends outside. We forgot that we had a commitment. We forgot to get out of ourselves to save our relationship.

And then it was too late. I remembered him saying he doesn't want to live in a fishbowl with me anymore, that he needs to go out and see other things. I never stopped to listen so I guess it was my fault, too, by taking him for granted.

1999 was my saddest Christmas. Cold kisses and an even colder shoulder. The eye of the storm I should have noticed but didn't. It hit me on the 4th of January when he said that it's all over between us. I tried everything to bring him back. I cried, I begged and cajoled, threw a fit.Out of my misery, I shut my friends out and everyone around me. I remembered that he came back in May of that year (2000) but I was so blinded with pride, I never really gave him a chance. From 140 lbs I dropped to 80 lbs., I was so devastated. Someone tried to save me and I rebounded to him. And of course, it failed and brought me more heartaches. Five years into the rebound, I woke up one Christmas morning needing to get out and change the scene. So left without saying goodbye in 2005 and retreated for 2 years to get myself together again.

And now, here I am. Scarred. But free. Free now to look forward to a meaningful future with JV. I can't say it will all be happy days. I'm not looking through colored glasses anymore. To finally let go of emotional baggage is such a great relief!

Some things you don't really forget

    "I have done it," says my memory. "I cannot have done it," says my pride, refusing to budge. In the end, my memory yields.
    -- Friedrich Nietzsche

    There are some things you never really forget..



    • someone that you lost...
    • a shared kiss with a special friend

    • a shared silence

    • unexpected parting
    • a question you've never answered..
    • unrequited love
    • a good cry in the rain

    Ten Favorite Sounds


    1. The sound of rain pelting on the roof or window pane
    2. sound of cicadas in the night, everytime I go home in the province
    3. JV's voice, when we talk or make love
    4. belly laugh
    5. Kurt Cobain
    6. acoustic guitar
    7. crash of water waves against the rocks or sea wall
    8. sound of cooking
    9. wind chimes
    10. silence

    to join, or visit other favorite sounds of my friends, see here!

    Rememberin Whensday ~ MFI days in Baras, Rizal


    That's me in black shorts holding my shoes. This was in 1995 when a couple of my classmates in Meralco Foundation Institute went over another classmate's house in Baras, Rizal. I remember there was Typhoon Rosing (Supertyphoon Angela) coming on but we still elected to go. This was our first time to have an outing.

    As you can see, even in the rain...



    That's me again, in white shirt. We didn't mind that there were dark clouds and heavy rains. We didn't mind that we were the only people in the playground and in the pool. We were just happy. I think this was in October, 2 weeks before our FINALS for the last sem in school.
    Unfortunately, we were stranded for 3 days there with no electricity, the phones were down and there were no buses to get us back to the city. Anyhow, it was fun in a way. We had bonfire outside.The "bangus" (milkfish) and tilapia fishponds lining Laguna de Bay flooded so there were fish everywhere!
    As soon as the sun came up, I went home with lots of fish as my "pasalubong" to my mom. As soon as I showed my face at our door, I heard my mom's angry admonition and left my ears ringin for days on end. ***sigh***

    Thursday Thunks







    Welcome to the May 14th version of Thursday Thunks!
    (which we always seem to post on Wednesday)
    Where we make you think a little bit before you blog!

    We pick a subject, and your job is to interpret it anyway you want. Write about it on your blog... simple as that. Maybe you can interpret it as a picture - we don't care!
    Please only leave a link if you have written a Thursday Thunks post. Please mention us in your post, and link back to the blog here.
    Don't forget to go visit the other participants' blogs. Read and comment about all their Thursday Thunks! Thats what all this is about afterall, isn't it? We'll have so much fun and become lifelong friends....


    This week we will answer some crazy questions brought to you byKimber, taken over by Berleen, the color carrot orange and the number 94.
    1. You are at the store when suddenly 2 men walk in with guns androb the place. Are you the hero, quiet & follow the rules type, or try to make a run for it? Depends on how near is the door...
    2. Do you like Twizzlers? As long as it's chocolate flavored!!! ;)
    3. Are you a YouTube watcher? Yes,sometimes but not really a fan. Though once in a while, I would ***tongue-in-cheek***   tag search my friends' name for sex vids (***wink, you'll never know....)




    4. When a auto glass store calls you and asks if you have a chip or crack in your windshield, what do you tell them? "Why would you want to know?"

    5. What is the age difference between you and your father?
    That would be 33.

    6. Have you ever tried to find the end of a rainbow?
    Do you believe in Santa Claus?

    7. Camping - recreational vehicle or tent?
    Tent.

    8. Have you ever had to call 9-1-1?
    No.

    9. Who is your favorite blog in the Thursday Thunk bloggers to visit? I love 
    Bud Weiser !

    10. How long do you think you could live locked in your house on the food that you have on hand right now?
    One day?

    11. Pepper - shaker or grinder?
    A shaker ( more homey)

    12. What state (or country if you are not in the US) is 2 states west of you? That would be Cambodia and Thailand.

    13. What color do you believe you look best in?
    I like black, red, and ,orange.

    and once again... next week is Thursday Thunkers Questions... so....

    14. What is your question submission for next week?
    Are you a boxing fan? Do you think there will be a rematch of the Hatton-Pacquiao fight?




    Don't forget to go visit your other Thursday Thunkers & comment on their blog post!

    Friday Fill Ins #123

    #123
    And...here we go!

    1. Apples are to oranges as sushi is to spaghetti.

    2. Follow your heart and go where your feet leads you  and that's all I have to say about that.

    3. I think I hear my alarm clock snoozing in the background.

    4. RED flag.

    5. Do what you want to do, but don't come home crying.

    6. He came running and behind him was a Radio Flyer wagon; in the wagon was a bucket filled with apple cider.

    7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to visiting my mom again and hope she's feeling better, tomorrow my plans include belated birthday bash and Sunday, I want to meet my friend Iya who will be coming from Malaysia Sat night and join their family reunion on Sun!

    Is LIFE passing me by?

    Grand Avenue

    Sometimes I have this feeling, too. As if I'm stuck to where I don't want to be anymore. Yeah, I know we have choices...but sometimes it's hard to choose between these choices. I think my pros and cons over and over, smoothing all edges, putting everything in a win-win situation but sometimes it becomes stale, too late now, the moment already gone. I wish for the spontaneity that I thought I once had but can't find in me anymore.

    Love is not always Pretty