An old flame looked me up on the web and found me on one of those social networks and called me up the other night. And I realized what a great relief to be talking to him again because now, I could really move on.
I still feel the pinch every now and then when I remember how hurt I was when he broke up with me 5 days before our 4th anniversary. They say you never forget your first love but it's not. It's the first heartbreak that you'll always remember.
But we had such good times then! He was the first person who ever brought me flowers and would surprise me with little gifts. He shared my love for nature trips. We would exchange loveletters through our dear friend Shey. It was a sweet romance!
But I guess reality has a habit of throwing curved balls when one least expects it. And that reality was called "distance". It's true when they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also makes the heart forget. I guess we forgot. Maybe it was me, I was so busy with work and my promotion. Or maybe it was him, he was busy with studies and making friends outside. We forgot that we had a commitment. We forgot to get out of ourselves to save our relationship.
And then it was too late. I remembered him saying he doesn't want to live in a fishbowl with me anymore, that he needs to go out and see other things. I never stopped to listen so I guess it was my fault, too, by taking him for granted.
1999 was my saddest Christmas. Cold kisses and an even colder shoulder. The eye of the storm I should have noticed but didn't. It hit me on the 4th of January when he said that it's all over between us. I tried everything to bring him back. I cried, I begged and cajoled, threw a fit.Out of my misery, I shut my friends out and everyone around me. I remembered that he came back in May of that year (2000) but I was so blinded with pride, I never really gave him a chance. From 140 lbs I dropped to 80 lbs., I was so devastated. Someone tried to save me and I rebounded to him. And of course, it failed and brought me more heartaches. Five years into the rebound, I woke up one Christmas morning needing to get out and change the scene. So left without saying goodbye in 2005 and retreated for 2 years to get myself together again.
And now, here I am. Scarred. But free. Free now to look forward to a meaningful future with JV. I can't say it will all be happy days. I'm not looking through colored glasses anymore. To finally let go of emotional baggage is such a great relief!
Showing posts with label Goodbye. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Goodbye. Show all posts
My Favorite Sad Songs
Thinking Of You - Katy Perry
Comparisons are easily done
Once you’ve had a taste of perfection
Like an apple hanging from a tree
I picked the ripest one
I still got the seed
You said move on
Where do I go
I guess second best
Is all I will know
Cause when I’m with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
You’re like an Indian summer
In the middle of winter
Like a hard candy
With a surprise center
How do I get better
Once I’ve had the best
You said there’s
Tons of fish in the water
So the waters I will test
He kissed my lips
I taste your mouth
He pulled me in
I was disgusted with myself
Cause when I’m with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into…
You’re the best
And yes I do regret
How I could let myself
Let you go
Now the lesson’s learned
I touched it I was burned
Oh I think you should know
Cause when I’m with him
I am thinking of you
Thinking of you
What you would do if
You were the one
Who was spending the night
Oh I wish that I
Was looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Looking into your eyes
Oh won’t you walk through
And bust in the door
And take me away
Oh no more mistakes
Cause in your eyes I’d like to stay…
stay….
She put him out like the burnin’ end of a midnight cigarette
She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin’ to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night
1st Chorus
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I’ll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby
(Sing lullaby)
The rumors flew but nobody know how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night
2nd Chorus
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby
(Sing lullaby)
She broke his heart he spent his whole life tryin’ to forget
We watched him drink his pain away a little at a time
But he never could get drunk enough to get her off his mind
Until the night
1st Chorus
He put that bottle to his head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away her memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength he had to get up off his knees
We found him with his face down in the pillow
With a note that said I’ll love her till I die
And when we buried him beneath the willow
The angels sang a whiskey lullaby
(Sing lullaby)
The rumors flew but nobody know how much she blamed herself
For years and years she tried to hide the whiskey on her breath
She finally drank her pain away a little at a time
But she never could get drunk enough to get him off her mind
Until the night
2nd Chorus
She put that bottle to her head and pulled the trigger
And finally drank away his memory
Life is short but this time it was bigger
Than the strength she had to get up off her knees
We found her with her face down in the pillow
Clinging to his picture for dear life
We laid her next to him beneath the willow
While the angels sang a whiskey lullaby
(Sing lullaby)
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