30 Days of truth - Day 06

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do

 (My 30 days of Truth)

Lie.

As hard as we try to be, not all of us can be Honest Abes.  

I mean, how do you say to a loved one that they are dying, or to a child that one parent is going away for good and there is no sense in waiting? I think honesty does not equate with insensitivity, that's all. I hope I would not be in a situation like that.

• What about you, what is it that you you hope you never have to do?

Tell me via the comment section the link to your post so I can check them out, too!

The list for the 30 Days of Truth Challenge is here

Next:

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

30 days of Truth -- Day Four (4/30)

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

I guess the most painful thing a loved one can do to you is to cheat you.

Years ago, this loss of faith has really broken my heart. I thought that you get what you give. You give love, you get love. You sow loyalty, you reap loyalty. Blah-blah.

At first I tried to ignore it. i said to myself, "ah, it's just a phase...". But it went on for almost a year, and I felt it's too much. So I started to nag, to throw tantrums, to shout and cry so he would listen. But no, it got worse to the point he and I won't speak for days, he won't show up, things like that...

One day, I had a motorcycle accident. Nothing major, just a few bruises and a laceration on my leg that required 12 stitches. I was not paying much attention on the road (I was crying). After this, he tried to patch up with me. I thought it was really in his heart to work out our relationship. I forgave him and vowed never to talk about it again. We left our jobs and moved to his parents house, a fresh start he said.

For a while it was okay, like "it" never happened. Then one night, I saw him talking on the phone with "her".

And I realized, it's not over yet. This second betrayal has broken crumbled my heart pride. All I need is just a little honesty and he won't give it to me...

One morning, I woke up, packed up and said goodbye. There is so much anger in me and it's not healthy anymore. ..

For two years I tried to make a concentrated effort to move on. I prayed that the grace of forgiveness find the way to my heart . And it did. It was slow but it did.

~x~XX~x~

• What about you, what is it that you need to forgive about someone?

Tell me via the comment section the link to your post so I can check them out, too!

The list for the 30 Days of Truth Challenge is here



Next:

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

Sensational Haiku -- Reflection

Welcome to “Sensational Haiku Wednesday!”

Click here for info and background on this weekly event!

The basics:

Haiku is simple! It is 3 non-rhyming lines of 5, 7, and 5 syllables respectively (a great way to use your fingers!)

This week’s theme is: Reflection

when you look at me
is it me you see, or the
mirror of your fears?

   

 

a part of Anawangin Cove, San Antonio, Zambales, Philippines
 
Next week’s theme: Milestones
~~~

and it's Wordless Wednesday everyday, too! 
for more outdoor scenes, check out A Southern Dreamer's Outdoor Wednesday!

Unspoken

We are talking, but not really with each other. We are just going through the motions of our routines.

But that's okay. We need to survive until tomorrow.

Anticlimax

You said we have one week, 2 weeks at the most.

I wanted this time to be for us.

But it's just you. All you.

I'm sorry about what I said yesterday morning. I did not mean to. I just thought that in all of the billion people in this world, at least I could tell someone what I feel and not be judged by it.

You said I disaapointed you.

But I can't think, for the life of me, of any one thing that I did to make the precedent for the accusation you are throwing at me. And I won't apologize for that.

If I cried, will you stay?

I will not,will not, WILL NOT cry! If I do, would you change your mind?


Yeah, so there's no point, isn't it?

Where are you, Happiness?

somebody asked last night why happiness can be so elusive...I tried to answer, happiness is  in the journey to self-discovery; it's the understanding of one's place in this world and in the scheme of things; it's in the appreciation of what is here now and letting go of the things that can never be undone. I really tried to explain but fear of being misunderstood got in the way, so it remained unspoken...

Am I your Rebound Girl?

I sure hope not.Though sometimes it crosses my mind that I might be... 


See? Even now, my initial reaction is turn myself blind over the fact that you might be in rebound. But I know myself, I'm a very logical person.  I want to see things objectively, with reason, as I do not want to fall "madly", "blindly" in love with you or with anybody else. So I want to clinically pick the details of our circumstance.

So, are you?

I've been through this before, as the rebounder.I even posted about it in  The Art of Breaking Up .Rebounding is the worst one can do after a really bad break up, and I promised myself that I will not take that road again. Both can be lulled by the thrill, or rush of intense emotions, mistaking it for love or happily ever after. But it's not, really.

Let's take it slow, okay? I know you're still feeling a bit confused, and I promise I will be with you. But here are my grounds:

1. Do not take me granted. I will not allow it. Do not expect that I will take up where your ex left off.
2. Do not compare me. Whether good or bad, do not look for them in me. I'm a different person.
3. I'm always up for a good talk. Tell me what's on your mind. Compatibility is boring, a bit of disparity is always good.
4. Do not rush. Let's take our time knowing each other.

Don't be afraid. Sometimes something  good can come out of the bad. We have something good here, we just need straighten  out some emotional entanglements, clean the road we will walk on, so to speak...

Musical Monday -- The Fear You Won't Fall

This is my favorite Joshua Radin song. Honest, sweet, and I think many people has gone through this feeling once or twice in their lives.
I keep playing this song in my head for weeks. I think this speaks for me, about how I feel. I guess even after a year, we are still at the state of romance where there are moments we are both unsure of our footing. And I think this "guessing game" makes our relationship exciting and it's like, we are putting ourselves "out there" taking chances the other would fall (in love back).

Digging a hole and the walls are caving in
Behind me air's getting thin but I'm trying
I'm breathing in
Come find me
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
I know you're scared that I'll soon be over it
That's part of it all
Part of the beauty of falling in love with you is the fear you won't fall
It hasn't felt like this before
It hasn't felt like home before you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
And I hate the phone
But I wish you'd call
Thought being alone
Was better than was better than
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel this way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you
Can't get my mind off of you
And I know it's easy to say but it's harder to feel
This way
And I miss you more than I should
Than I thought I could
Can't get my mind off of you

Six Word Saturday~Trouble

Ahhh...troubled minds, looking for peace.

Those words fairly sums up this past week's major happenings. I won't give in, she won't give in. Deadlock.

6 Word Saturday

Get it done and over with, Teddy!

~~~~~

...no use procrastinating, because the more you dally your feet, the longer it will take to untangle the things that has been done and the words that was already said....

...nuff said! I hope the blue font doesn't count! ***wink***

On a lighter note note, happy Saturday to all of you dear 6WS readers and participants. I went back to take a peek at Jenn's over at You know...that blog and I was reminded that I miss 6WS!  Head over at Cate's Show My Face to join and have fun!

55 FFF ~Patchwork Heart

‘Twas their last day together.
 But he never came.

Quite unprepared with this one final goodbye, she turned her back even as her world crumbled and blurred. She put her earphones and sunglasses on to keep the silence away and the light from blinding her.

Heart's under repair.

Tomorrow's another day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

my Tuesday Tales #1

I'm still here at the office, working till 10 (since last week) to finish off major document schedules required by our auditors. I finished  stopped early because I feel a headache coming and my eyes are a little blurry, so I thought of stealing a  little relaxing moment by blog-babbling! ***wink*** My boss went home already (how dare he expects us to finish HIS report tonight so HE can take credit for it tomorrow!  raaawwwrr!)


So came by Mariposa's Tales and found out she's hosting a new weekly meme, Tuesday's Tales!, where one can tell little love tales every Tuesday.

Hmmmm...love tales, love tales...


Well, I could say I got a lot to tell! Last week, JV showed up at my door, already 'revived" in spirit. I've hinted in my previous posts that he is at the middle of a major decision last month. Clue:  he wants out, she does not.  I want to be prudent enough to let him sort it out himself, though I wanted felt I need to help him..conflict of interest, I know, so I did not. He was here for a couple of weeks during this "hard period" and all he did was sleep. I know sleep could be an escape from the things one can't face at once. So I let him be. One day he got up and said, "I need to go, I don't know when I'll be back."


But I have faith. 
So last week he came back, a little thinner, but he's back. And I'm glad. 


But sometimes, reality butts in at the most inopportune moment. He was assigned at the last minute to Cagayan Valley to do field audit on their FSOs (field sales offices) there. So he packed his bags again. But at least now, I know he'll be back on the  23rd!


Maybe our time apart will help us "clean the slate" and really find in our hearts the anticipation of spending our lives together. If not happily ever after, at least no moment is wasted...


More next time!

55 Flash Fiction - The Wait

Someone’s said on the other line, “He’s in Laguna.”

She rushed home at 6o’clock, cooked dinner and waited.

Tick tock. Tick tock. 8o’clock…traffic? 9:30 …food’s getting cold, the beer warm. Ten…eleven…lit up a cigarette, waiting.

At one, she took a shower to cool her stinging eyes, and slept without turning on the lights.

~~~~~~~~~

Pooh and Me, unspoken...

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
"Pooh!" he whispered.
"Yes, Piglet?"
"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you."

That's you and I, JV...both unsure of our footing, but always finds comfort in our togetherness. We are both afraid, I know. Don't we deserve something more?

~~~x~~~

Thank you, JV

Thank you for simply being here with me. There are times that it feels good to belong to somebody, to know that there is someone that I can reach out to in times of doubt and indecision. I'm not as strong as I appear to be, I falter and fall, too. I know I can touch your hand or lean on your shoulder. I value your resolve, giving faith to our fledgling relationship. We will have hardships ahead, being two stubborn people walking together but I know that our disparities will never be a hindrance, but a challenge to rise above our selfishness as we go through our lives. Thank you for not being impulsive, for giving yourself time to revalue and reassess your priorities. Thank you for not carrying me away with promises. Let us not be blinded with the excitement of romance. You asked me the other day what do I want to do with our lives, now that you are on the verge of making a very difficult decision. All I can say is that I want to be with you always. I promise that this relationship will have enough space to grow ourselves out, but not too far to lose touch.

I love you, JV. Sometimes I wish I could just hold you, to just feel you.

THANK YOU
Led Zeppelin

if the sun refused to shine,
I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea,
There will still be you and me.

Kind woman, I give you my all,
Kind woman, nothing more.
Little drops of rain whisper of the pain,
Tears of loves lost in the days gone by.
My love is strong, with you there is no wrong,
Together we shall go until we die.
My, my, my, an inspiration is what you are to me,
Inspiration, look see.
And so today, my world it smiles,
Your hand in mine, we walk the miles,
Thanks to you it will be done,
For you to me are the only one.
Happiness, no more be sad,
Happiness....Im glad.

Standing here

As I see you standing there
with a smile on your face
And your heart on your sleeve
Took your hand, together
we ran away to a place
We wished we'll never leave.

Now you see me standing here
a warm glow in my eyes
And my soul for you to see
Took my hand, together
we hope this love will suffice
Now and forever we'll be.

souls and sadness

"Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same." ~Emily Bronte

This I realized in the last 4 days that JV was here.

Actually, when at 7pm last Friday I haven't heard his knock at my door, I just resigned myself to an "alone" weekend. I was playing my favorite Red Hot Chilli Peppers concert at Slane Castle on my dvd when he arrived at around 10. At that moment I saw him smiling on my doorstep, I knew in my heart that this person is THE special one. The first thing he said, "Are you playing that for me?" with a naughty grin. And I said, "What do you think?" Sometimes, we play hide-and-seek games like this because it gives us time to recover from that initial unsure footing of our feelings for each other. But despite the warmth, I sensed something's wrong with him, he sounded sad. I did not press, though. We talked till 2 in the morning of Saturday, catching up with our separate lives in the past two weeks we haven't seen each other. This is a good exercise for us, I think, when we pick each other's minds in the course of our conversations.

We slept a good part of Saturday morning then I cooked him "Nilagang Baka"( Beef Stew) for lunch. I like cooking for him. Then we talked some more, had a couple of beers, then he goes back sleep again. He just wakes up to eat or to drink water, then goes back to sleep again. But I let him be, I know something's bothering him and he needs to be alone.

It was Sunday when he spoke of it. He was talking of his little girl, he says he's excited to see her this coming weekend, on how he misses her. That made him sad, being apart from her. He talked about his family, about his life in Iligan and all his college experiences. He says that now, there are only two people in this world to whom he can open up his real feelings. That's his mother, and me. For the first time, I saw him shed silent tears and my heart went out for him. I asked him what is it and he said he doesn't know. He's feeling blue, that's all. I know that showing his vulnerability is hard for him...pride is a foolish mask, but don't we all wear them?

Ah! If I only could carry his burden for him, but I know he won't let me. I know him so. All I can promise is that I will always be here.

Unspoken

I am not sorry for the things that I said to you, but i'm sorry that we have to fight like this.
If I wanted to hurt you, I could and you know that. I could take him away from you without remorse and you know in your heart that he will never put up a fight. Maybe you think it's just physical that's going on between us that's why you say I am madly in love with him. I do not "madly" love. I neither scheme to get my way nor lash out blindly in anger. I could, if I put a mind to it but I will not have him lose his respect for me.
There's more to a relationship than love. And he finds that "more" here with me. So please don't push him away with your nagging and whining and your suicidal threats because if you do, I will gladly take him in, flaws and all.

On the Verge of something...

...wonderful or catastrophic, I still don't know.

The first time I saw him in December last year, I knew right away that we will have something special.

I love him. I could go on and on expounding the why's and the how's of it and I'll never finish, so don't ask me. I just do.

It took me two years to get over my last relationship, another two years' rest from heart entanglements and he's going to be my first serious affair after that.

So now, I don't know if I'm ready to jump the cliff again.