An old flame looked me up on the web and found me on one of those social networks and called me up the other night. And I realized what a great relief to be talking to him again because now, I could really move on.
I still feel the pinch every now and then when I remember how hurt I was when he broke up with me 5 days before our 4th anniversary. They say you never forget your first love but it's not. It's the first heartbreak that you'll always remember.
But we had such good times then! He was the first person who ever brought me flowers and would surprise me with little gifts. He shared my love for nature trips. We would exchange loveletters through our dear friend Shey. It was a sweet romance!
But I guess reality has a habit of throwing curved balls when one least expects it. And that reality was called "distance". It's true when they say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, but it also makes the heart forget. I guess we forgot. Maybe it was me, I was so busy with work and my promotion. Or maybe it was him, he was busy with studies and making friends outside. We forgot that we had a commitment. We forgot to get out of ourselves to save our relationship.
And then it was too late. I remembered him saying he doesn't want to live in a fishbowl with me anymore, that he needs to go out and see other things. I never stopped to listen so I guess it was my fault, too, by taking him for granted.
1999 was my saddest Christmas. Cold kisses and an even colder shoulder. The eye of the storm I should have noticed but didn't. It hit me on the 4th of January when he said that it's all over between us. I tried everything to bring him back. I cried, I begged and cajoled, threw a fit.Out of my misery, I shut my friends out and everyone around me. I remembered that he came back in May of that year (2000) but I was so blinded with pride, I never really gave him a chance. From 140 lbs I dropped to 80 lbs., I was so devastated. Someone tried to save me and I rebounded to him. And of course, it failed and brought me more heartaches. Five years into the rebound, I woke up one Christmas morning needing to get out and change the scene. So left without saying goodbye in 2005 and retreated for 2 years to get myself together again.
And now, here I am. Scarred. But free. Free now to look forward to a meaningful future with JV. I can't say it will all be happy days. I'm not looking through colored glasses anymore. To finally let go of emotional baggage is such a great relief!
